Coming home after living abroad isn’t just jet lag. It’s noticing how much you’ve changed… and how little the world around you has.
You loved the person you became abroad: curious, alive, open-minded. And suddenly, you’re back in the same streets, with the same friends, the same family… and you start shrinking. You notice yourself laughing less, speaking less, showing up less. Because it’s safer that way. Safer than being rejected. Safer than being misunderstood. Safer than being alone.
This isn’t just about being back home, it shows up everywhere. In dating. In business. In friendships. That same fear that makes you pause at home, makes you scroll endlessly on dating apps, makes you doubt your ideas, copy someone else’s style, or wait for someone else to validate you. It’s the fear that you’re not enough, that you won’t be loved for who you are, that your true self isn’t safe to show.
1. Shrinking vs. Escaping
When most people return home after time abroad, or face challenges in dating, friendships, or building a business, they tend to respond in one of two ways:
Shrinking: Retreating into the familiar. Negotiating your dreams with fear. Pretending everything is fine. You move carefully, quietly, as if staying small will keep you safe from rejection, judgment, or disappointment.
Escaping: Filling the gaps with distractions. Travel. Busywork. “Pauses” that aren’t rest at all, but ways to avoid the discomfort of confronting yourself. You move, but not forward. You run, but not toward your life.
Both feel safe. Both keep you small. Both make you forget how expansive you can be.
I’ve been there. I paused my podcast. I paused dating. I paused my business. I told myself I was tired. I needed a break. But the truth was harsher: I was afraid. Afraid of facing the feelings I didn’t want to meet. Afraid of confronting the parts of myself I had ignored, the dreams I had postponed, the desires I had silenced.
That fear was louder than my desire to create. Louder than my desire to connect, to love, to grow. And yet, it was only by naming it, by sitting with it, that I found a way forward. That’s where real life begins, on the other side of shrinking and escaping.
2. The Fear That Follows You Everywhere
Fear doesn’t stay confined to a single part of your life. It leaks, silently and persistently, shaping the way you show up in every corner of your world.
In dating, it shows up as hesitation. Second-guessing yourself. Endless scrolling on apps, searching for connection while avoiding the risk of real intimacy.
In your career or business, it whispers: “Just copy what works. Wait for approval. Don’t take that risk.” It keeps you comfortable, but stuck.
With friends and family, it makes you smaller. You shrink, you hide, you people-please, convincing yourself that safety is worth the cost of authenticity.
The truth is simple and brutal: you cannot grow, connect, or feel fully alive while you are hiding. While you are holding back. While you are bending yourself into a version of “acceptable” that isn’t really you.
Fear follows you everywhere until you face it. Until you name it. Until you choose to stop letting it run the show
3. Radical Honesty Is Your Return Ticket
The moment you stop negotiating your life with fear, everything shifts.
Radical honesty isn’t flashy, it isn’t complicated, it is brutal.
Admit where you’re shrinking.
Admit where you’re performing.
Admit where you’re avoiding yourself.
Even if it’s only in a journal, even if no one else sees it, you can’t un-hear it once you face it. And that is exactly where the transformation begins.
Because truth has a way of breaking patterns, of cracking open space for growth you didn’t think was possible.
4. The ROI of Honesty
People love to talk about “alignment” and “intuition.” But none of that works without truth. When you stop lying to yourself, here’s what actually happens:
Clarity – You finally understand why you’re stuck instead of blaming your hometown, your personality, or bad luck.
Direction – You stop wasting energy on the wrong goals. Honesty points you straight to the next right step.
Relief – Pretending is exhausting. Telling the truth is oxygen.
Identity Anchoring – You stop losing the version of you that emerged abroad, you integrate them.
Momentum – Decisions that used to feel paralyzing suddenly feel obvious because you’re no longer fighting yourself.
Honesty compounds. It’s the hidden engine behind clarity, courage, and momentum in every area of life.
5. The Path to Show Up Fully
Back in your country. In dating. In business. Everything is connected.
If you show up fully in one area, it ripples everywhere. You start trusting yourself. You stop pretending. You stop shrinking. You begin acting from the part of yourself that knows:
I am enough.
I am capable.
I deserve love, connection, success.
Ask yourself:
What am I running from right now?
What story am I telling myself that’s keeping me small?
Where am I performing instead of showing up?
It’s not your friends, your family, your country or your job, it’s the story in your head. And that story follows you everywhere.
6. Start Small, Start Now
Notice the fear before it shapes your choices. Then act:
Speak your truth in a conversation
Pitch that idea you’ve been holding back
Ask someone out
Say yes to something spontaneous
You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to show up. The more you practice, the less fear controls you. The more alive you feel.
Small actions build courage. Small actions break patterns. Small actions remind you that your life doesn’t have to wait for perfection.
7. The Invitation
How you treat your return home matters more than you realize.
Because the way you show up for yourself in this transition doesn’t stay in that moment. It ripples. Into your dating life. Into your friendships. Into your business and career. Into how you show up in the world.
So why not start here? Why not use this moment, the moment of coming home, of feeling unsettled, of noticing fear, as the launchpad for showing up fully in every area of your life?
Notice your fear.
Stop performing.
Show up fully.
Life isn’t about negotiating your dream with fear.
It’s about playing to win. Fully. Unapologetically. Alive.
🎧 In this week’s podcast episode, I go deeper into:
Why returning home triggers the same wounds as dating and starting a business
How fear makes you shrink, escape, or avoid yourself
How radical honesty rewires your life and opens doors in every area
If this resonates, I’d love to invite you to a free 30-minute clarity call. We’ll explore what’s keeping your life paused and map out a path to show up fully.
